I have a friend who whenever something is going on, stops, takes time out and listens to herself and her body. She goes for a walk or for lunch alone and just contemplates on whatever is bothering her.
Inspired by her I decided to give it a go, and I am finding it impossible. I have discovered that I rarely, if ever, listen to myself. My mind is mostly listing things I need to do. It is keeping track of daily life, my kids, my husband, our future. It is making plans and getting information.
Most of the time my mind is dealing with what is in front of it. Does she need her nappy changed? Does she need her potty? Did I defrost meat for the dinner? What time is it? Does she need a cardigan on with that top?
It’s reading a story, cutting toast into triangles, putting on the washing machine, driving the car, doing the shopping.
And in it’s quiet time? When the children are asleep for the night or napping, am I catching up with myself? No, I am reading blogs, writing, scrolling twitter, catching up on the news, watching The Wire, reading a library book, anything at all to keep my mind busy.
I don’t contemplate decisions, I almost always go with my gut. I make decisions quickly and stick with them. I know my likes and dislikes and so I don’t have to think about them do I?
Except that I want to. I want to be mindful. I want to know myself. I want to listen to what I really want instead of always storming ahead. But my mind is so used to being kept busy, it doesn’t know how to be quiet and listen.